Today I had a nice breakfast with Esther at her place. She had called early to ask me to come and eat with her. The day is so beautiful today. We visited for a couple of hours and when it was time to leave, I did what she asked me to do: loaded her in the car and drove her 1/2 block past the driveway to Vineyard Place and left her to walk back. She has been wanting so much to venture out, since she used to walk all over the area there, riding the bus to Roundtable Pizza and walking up to Goodwill and other favorite spots. Now she is so close to them, she won't need to ride the bus to get to them. As she waved goodby to me, I pulled away from the curb and she headed the opposite direction back to her place. I had the feeling that I should stop and watch her to see if she would turn into the driveway towards home. It was 1/2 block from her. She headed off and I watched her walk right past it and on up the street. I turned my car around to face the direction she was headed and watched. As soon as she had completely passed the beautifully kept grounds of Vineyard Place she stopped and turned to the left and stared, then she went on. I started driving slowly to follow her, I was thinking she wanted to venture up a little farther and then she'd turn around and come back down. She was slowing down, because it is slightly uphill and I'm sure that quad muscle was pulling on that fractured pelvis. When she reached the end of the full block and came to the cross street and stopsign I could see she was confused. There was a man walking there and as I drove more quickly now to reach her, she was agitated and gesturing to him. I heard her say that her daughter-in-law had dropped her off and she thought she could walk back, etc. and I politely interrupted them. He was a nice middle-aged man , who kindly smiled at me and reassured her. He went off to finish his walk. I felt for her because the expression on her face when she was talking to the man showed her frustration and fear. Her eyes were crazed, her face red, her arms waving. She was so relieved to see me. "How did you know?" She decided to not walk back to her place, because "I'll probably miss it". So she got in with me. I told her that just after I pulled away, I got the feeling I should stop and watch to make sure she did allright. Well, she was amazed. All of this occured in less than 4 minutes, but to her it was a long time and a long way to walk. Her time concepts are not good, worse than they used to be even. So, I drove the block back down and stopped at the end of the sidewalk that led straight up to Vineyard Place. She talked about the experience for awhile, all the details. She kept saying that she had seen a TV show last night where they talked about a person getting a feeling about something. She seemed very taken by the idea. She did want to walk, though. She said, "I'm going straight up this sidewalk and then I'm going to walk around the building--I can't get lost there." I thought, "Wanna bet?". When she got out she took off like a rocket towards the building and I pulled away and she waved, but I did stop just down the road and watched the driveway for awhile to make sure she didn't turn around and come out on the road again. She didn't.
It's got to be hard when you want to do the normal things you like to do, that you used to be able to do and now you can't. Your brain is letting you down, maybe your body is letting you down and you are all too aware of it.
Still, she is having a pretty good life there, with lots of friends and good meals. Today she is going with Leona to the activity room to see a movie with everyone. She's hoping it's a good one.
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